The vegan blokes blog


Poop fiction

30 Jun 2017

poopfiction.jpg Like most soldiers, I evaluate my hydration by the colour of my pee. I remember many moons ago, my Platoon Sgt comment as he passed me trying to ninja pee in the bush, “You better drink more water T, if I can smell your pee from here, so can Charlie (Bad guy).” As a vegan, I have taken this to the next level by examining my poos, and don’t pretend that you have never pondered your poop before you flush, (And if you don’t take a peek, well, congratulations on your moral superiority). One thing to keep in mind is that your feces pass through a lot of important organs on their way out. A scary moment was seeing my poos after eating a lot of beetroot! By the ever-loving-fark did I start pancaking. Looking down the porcelain has become my new Tasseography (divination or fortune-telling method that interprets patterns in tea leaves) hell, I can even tell if a brother in the toilet is a vegan just by smell. Anyways, thought I’d give you a soldiers five (quick five minute combat brief) on a useful tool to maintain your vegan thug life.